I've moved house and changed names.

"Friends of Karl" is now "Undividing with Karl Dunn" on Substack - I hope you stick with me.

It’s been a year of accidents and new beginnings.

Hi there all. Yes, this is Karl. And yes, I’m still doing the newsletter. But it’s evolved again. All because I blew another knee out. But I’ll get to that…

What started twelve months ago as an email list (that stretched back to the time I was running an IG called My Gay Divorce), then transformed into a Mailerlite newsletter about my book, has changed a lot for me over this year. When I started on this journey with How To Burn A Rainbow, I thought I was going to solely be an author. So I created a newsletter that was the kind of thing that I would want to get from my favorite authors.

“Friends of Karl” was the result of that. I have to say it was a lot of fun. But a lot of work too. And try as I did, I couldn’t ever grow it past 200-250 folks. Plus, if I’m being honest, the last few I did were me fumbling with the question, “what am I trying to say here?”

For me it was fun, but missing a bigger purpose that fitted with what I was trying to do. Which I was still figuring out. I knew for certain though that I wanted it to be more of a conversation than FK.

Things changed when I was asked to speak at a company in LA in August about The Straight Guys’ Divorce Club, something readers of my book How To Burn A Rainbow will be very familiar with.

So I gave a talk called “A World Of Unlikely Allies” in which I spoke about my brotherhood with straight divorced men, and the incredible microcosm of DEI that we unwittingly created.

When we got to the Q&A, all I can say is that it was the ah-hah moment for me. I was just telling a story of something that happened on the journey. For the 300+ attendees, it was a revelation about how to hack trust, leapfrog our prejudices, and connect as human beings with people totally outside our bubble. I felt a bit like someone who sings in the shower, then gets a four-chair turn on The Voice.

So, that talk turned into a workshop, into more people asking me to speak, turned into me thinking about what I was doing with Friends of Karl. And bigger than that, what I was doing with my life, post-book.

So of course, I decided to have an accident

When I find myself sinking in an ocean of I-don’t-know-what-to-do-ness, I like to take out a knee.

The first time was chronicled in HTBAR when in 2018 I skidded across a Berlin pavement off my new bike and on my left knee. I couldn’t walk for two weeks, and was on crutches for nearly two months. That prompted a major meltdown and a descent into the inner work I’d been avoiding which I used The Emotions Diary to navigate (more on that later).

Some of you may remember last April when I stacked my bike eight weeks before the book tour. That was number two. Couldn’t walk again properly for a week, and had to start asking people for all the help that my pride had been keeping me from doing.

That dynamic became essential in the launch, tour, and ongoing support for the book.

And true to form, I was running late to a freelance gig ten days ago, and as I sprinted along the pavement, my knee went, “ping!” and I went down.

I tore my meniscus, and ended up on the sofa doing a Covid-level of Netflix consumption while I was thinking, what am I doing with all of this stuff that’s happening right now?

Like, what is the meta end-goal? The thing I’d choose if I only had one fuck left to give?

“Undividing” is that thing.

What am I trying to do with Undividing?

It’s the simplest and hardest thing—get people talking to each other, and with our own selves again. And here’s what you can expect from me to that end:

• A weekly newsletter with three things:

  • 1. Something I’ve found in the world we can learn undividing from,

  • 2. Something that’s an undividing thought from me, and,

  • 3. A lucky strike extra undividing idea—an artist, a person, a movement, a thing that fell in my lap that I think is bringing us back together.

• The Emotions Diary - a practice that will help you understand why you are the way you are, and do the things you do. Basically undividing your head and your heart. Twice a month.

• I have ambitions to start a podcast too - but let’s get the first two going ;) I have a tendency to try too much in one go.

So why am I doing this? Well, I don’t need to tell you as a species, we’ve degenerated into splitting into two sides over every issue, like supporters of two opposing sports teams.

Social media, where most of this goes on, I would define as “Pick a side! Pick a side! Pick a side! Now!” Everyone who doesn’t agree with us 1000% straight away is an idiot, and we cancel them before we ever exchange a civil word.

It’s happening in my friend groups, in every office I’ve ever worked in, in the society I call home, and over borders of countries near where I live. And I know all these are happening to you too.

We dehumanise each other, and so the divisions grow ever wider. But I will fall on my sword for the idea that we have so much more than connects us than divides us. And I want to do everything I can to help people rediscover that.

“Undividing” doesn’t exist. But we can change that.

“Undividing” is the word that my friend Uli came up with to describe what I was trying to do, and when he said it, I felt that soul-call we get very few times in our lives. So before I take out another knee, I’m listening and answering.

Here’s the kicker; the word “Undividing” doesn’t exist in English. Neither does “Undivide.” We have only “Undivided” which is past tense. I know this, because I’ve had to un-autocorrect by hand every occurrence of it here.

And I love that it took a non-native speaker to conjure up a new word for all of us. So I’ll take the job of defining it. Here goes:

Undividing: The action of taking anything severed, separated, or broken into parts and bringing it back together again with words, deeds, and intent to create a more harmonious whole.

“Undividing,” like love, is an action. A doing word. This Substack is my way to gather like-minded souls, who want to undivide this world and ourselves.

I say ourselves too because my greatest life-long division has been between my brain and my heart. Between what I know, and what I feel. And it was the Emotions Diary that got my head and heart talking to each other again.

The Emotions Diary - a practice of small and large revelations

Just started a new one myself

Again, after a dozen readers of HTBAR contacted me recently over the space of a couple of weeks to ask more about The Emotions Diary, I took the hint.

I’m going to teach you about this tool, and how to use it. And the amazing shit you can learn about yourself through it. The Emotions Diary literally explained to me how I was wired inside.

It became a daily practice of small and large revelations.

Here’s an excerpt from the book from the first time I used the Emotions Diary. It was early days in the divorce, and I found myself mentally going back to the time before I met my ex-husband. I hit up a lovely guy called Niko. We’d been seeing each other before I met my ex. We went on a date. I had a great time. And then I couldn’t text him back. For nearly a week.

I couldn’t understand why my head and heart were fighting. But The Emotions Diary knew.

I can tell you, that before I wrote that down, I didn’t know any of that. I also don’t know, even now, where that knowledge came from—however you think of God, my grandma’s ghost, my spirit animal, the universe—literally no idea. But that was the first of hundreds of questions that The Emotions Diary answered.

It explained me, to me.

If that sounds like the kind of self-knowledge you’d like to cultivate, then hang in with me on Undividing.

This is going to be a central offering. Twice a month to begin with, I’m going to get into what I’ve been undividing in myself that fortnight.

And maybe what you’ve been undividing too, if you’re willing to share it with everyone. I’d love to see what’s going on with all of you, and see if we’re all going through the same things at the same time.

OK, so isn’t Substack something people have to pay for?

Yes and no.

No, in the sense that I’ll always create a level of free content that’s available for everyone.

And yes, in that there is a monthly or yearly subscription to read everything that I’ll be writing as part of Undividing. The lowest you can set monthly subscriptions is $5USD. Substack’s ethos is that it’s a way for writers to own their content, take themselves seriously, grow an engaged audience, and make a living.

But also no, again. For you, for 60 days.

Everything I’ve done this year in Friends of Karl was free. And I appreciate your support and curiosity for the things that I write about. So for a period of 60 days you have full, free access to everything I put up on here. In return you’ll also have to bear with my explorations of Substack and what I can do with it. After that you can decide for yourselves if it’s worth paying for, or continue to enjoy the free level.

There’s a code for 60 days free in Friends of Karl #20

Look, I know. It seems like the world is going back to cable. You and I are paying for every channel of anything we consume. Alogorithms have trained us to expect entertainment for free. But if my work is of worth, I’d love it to be the way that I make my living.

I found two writers on Substack I support myself and I have to say, I was also tentative at first to outlay. But now when their emails pop up, I actually read them - unlike a lot of other junk in my inbox. I value them, I read their work, and I don’t skim it. And I like this feeling of engagement and supporting these two in that.

This to me is the upside of Substack; there’s no ads, there’s no spam, there’s no selling off your data. Just you discovering writing that touches your soul. It’s paying for the luxury of direct intimacy and privacy with a brain you value, an oasis in our data-driven times.

Let’s see what this planet can do

So if you’ve gotten this far, I hope you’ll stay on this journey with me. Because I want to see what good we’re all capable of, together.

If you get one thing from this first issue, let it be this. I have spent most of this last twelve months having no idea what I was doing. But I did it anyway. And my life, and the lives of many readers, listeners, and people I’ve met on that way, are better for it.

Jump! Do the thing you want, you’ll never be ready, just figure it out as you go. I can confirm you won’t die. Not even of embarrassment.

Because when you follow something you’re passionate about, you are undividing. Not just yourself for pursuing a dream, but undividing others who are touched by your dream appearing in front of them.

Till the next issue.

Karl

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