Oh I love the way you think it through. It really is all about connecting, communicating and finding a - or some - level of understanding. If nothing else, we should try. Otherwise we stay in a cage we made for ourselves
That we do Georgia. I found it interesting revisiting this post. I thought it would just be a repost. Then I read it and felt compelled to add to it. But it always comes back to connection and understanding like you say.
This way of being in the Actual World; how you are, how you get to understand yourself and others, is so refreshing and just so desperately needed at this time. You make it sound so very easy, yet it challenges us at our very core. It's strong, real, powerful what you're doing, and giving others the methods to work towards doing the same is very gratefully received by me, and I'm sure many, many others moving forward. Thank you.
Thank you Colette. It’s easy to write later. But it’s always a demon wrestling scenario at the start. I have to wait for all my reactions to subside and then start digging.
I admire you for your resolve and self-control. It's so hard when everyone is crammed inside a tight metal tube 30,000 feet in the air. Thank you for your insights. You have given me stuff to mull over.
I love the self- inquiry that led you to a place of peace for those long hours and allowed you to not get into a toxic place of judgment about your fellow travelers.
Empathy and inquiry are a great place from which to assess people and situations, but it still doesn't excuse their behavior or the reason for it. Sometimes we're the statue and sometimes we're the pigeon. If we happen to have a circumstance during which that pigeon shits all over us, it doesn't give us the right to do the same to others. Empathy goes both ways. They could have said to themselves, "Hmmm, I know how much that sucked when it happened to me. No way would I do that to someone else."
No one gets a pass when it comes to owning their toxic behavior. Objectively we may be able to see what caused it, but that does not mean we have to condone it.
I agree Marla. But it’s less condoning it and more trying to figure out where is this coming from. It actually gave me quite the revelation at the time about not passing it on. So weirdly I was grateful for the experience. Still, his behavior for whatever the actual reason isn’t a great comment on where we’re heading.
It's fortunate that you're not a percussionist with a penchant for performing on found objects. I wonder what sorts of sound effects the back of a headrest might produce? Probably muffled like a practice pad but an obsessive drummer could hardly help themselves.
Ummm loads of overthinking. It's much more simple. Oh, he probably has empathy. But he just wouldn't care. Because he can. He though he just can do that, and so he does, and proudly, most likely.
It's the old, old, old idea that if you can beat someone, cheat someone, intimidate someone, you do it. For a hobby. And because who knows, you might be taking advantadge of him somehow. And manosphere is advocating for such shit.
Not really a lot that you can do, except punching him right in the face or being violent and verbally aggresive as much as you can. And if you're not this kind of person, you'd be in clearly disadvantadge in this shitty era.
Well I like to dig under things to see what I can learn. As for non violence putting me at a disadvantage I’d have to disagree there. I’ve had the most interesting conversations with people in the most intense situations when I start asking them why they’re doing what they’re doing. It’s like a judo move. When people expect a verbal or physical response and you come back with curiosity it rattles them. That’s when I’ve learned the most about who we are.
Well, that's interesting and it would potencially provide with a positive outcome when dealing with *some* people, but there's also another kind of people who are reason-proof.
Glad to have discovered your writing and agree that tik-tok fame is no way to shape a better world...but...there's a fine line between respecting the position of others and dis-respecting one's own. Perhaps that too strongly said, or at least not as nuanced as I mean it. If this couple deserved empathy, so did you and your partner. You've explained a healthier way to get through the experience and that's without a doubt better than the alternative. Still, it seems a tad over-stated to suggest that the causes you cite are justification—the un-dividing here is one way.
IMO, the hardest part of bringing us together rests with the challenge of offering each other "place" without building an alternative form of hierarchy. Compromise is often something that can be pulled through the mutual empathic response, but compromise that is fair is not a one-way thing.
All that said—dialogue matters—and I thank you for it.
Interesting reflection and wonderful self-control. Here’s another take on flying. I wrote this the other day on a flight. I love flying because it’s such a weird forced microcosm of humanity. https://iamnotanihilist.substack.com/p/flying
Oh I love the way you think it through. It really is all about connecting, communicating and finding a - or some - level of understanding. If nothing else, we should try. Otherwise we stay in a cage we made for ourselves
That we do Georgia. I found it interesting revisiting this post. I thought it would just be a repost. Then I read it and felt compelled to add to it. But it always comes back to connection and understanding like you say.
This way of being in the Actual World; how you are, how you get to understand yourself and others, is so refreshing and just so desperately needed at this time. You make it sound so very easy, yet it challenges us at our very core. It's strong, real, powerful what you're doing, and giving others the methods to work towards doing the same is very gratefully received by me, and I'm sure many, many others moving forward. Thank you.
Thank you Colette. It’s easy to write later. But it’s always a demon wrestling scenario at the start. I have to wait for all my reactions to subside and then start digging.
I admire you for your resolve and self-control. It's so hard when everyone is crammed inside a tight metal tube 30,000 feet in the air. Thank you for your insights. You have given me stuff to mull over.
You’re welcome Carolyn!
I love the self- inquiry that led you to a place of peace for those long hours and allowed you to not get into a toxic place of judgment about your fellow travelers.
Empathy and inquiry are a great place from which to assess people and situations, but it still doesn't excuse their behavior or the reason for it. Sometimes we're the statue and sometimes we're the pigeon. If we happen to have a circumstance during which that pigeon shits all over us, it doesn't give us the right to do the same to others. Empathy goes both ways. They could have said to themselves, "Hmmm, I know how much that sucked when it happened to me. No way would I do that to someone else."
No one gets a pass when it comes to owning their toxic behavior. Objectively we may be able to see what caused it, but that does not mean we have to condone it.
I agree Marla. But it’s less condoning it and more trying to figure out where is this coming from. It actually gave me quite the revelation at the time about not passing it on. So weirdly I was grateful for the experience. Still, his behavior for whatever the actual reason isn’t a great comment on where we’re heading.
It's fortunate that you're not a percussionist with a penchant for performing on found objects. I wonder what sorts of sound effects the back of a headrest might produce? Probably muffled like a practice pad but an obsessive drummer could hardly help themselves.
Ha! Well that’s the musical adaptation right there.
You should have ripped his head off! That's the only way they learn…
Just kidding. I typed up some thoughtful reply but hit the wrong button and lost it.
Suffice it to say, avoid traveling by bus or train in the states if at all possible. They’re beyond redemption.
I hate it when I lose a comment draft. Ah well mate. Never given bus and train a whirl in the states. Bus and train here in Europe are pretty great.
Ummm loads of overthinking. It's much more simple. Oh, he probably has empathy. But he just wouldn't care. Because he can. He though he just can do that, and so he does, and proudly, most likely.
It's the old, old, old idea that if you can beat someone, cheat someone, intimidate someone, you do it. For a hobby. And because who knows, you might be taking advantadge of him somehow. And manosphere is advocating for such shit.
Not really a lot that you can do, except punching him right in the face or being violent and verbally aggresive as much as you can. And if you're not this kind of person, you'd be in clearly disadvantadge in this shitty era.
Well I like to dig under things to see what I can learn. As for non violence putting me at a disadvantage I’d have to disagree there. I’ve had the most interesting conversations with people in the most intense situations when I start asking them why they’re doing what they’re doing. It’s like a judo move. When people expect a verbal or physical response and you come back with curiosity it rattles them. That’s when I’ve learned the most about who we are.
Well, that's interesting and it would potencially provide with a positive outcome when dealing with *some* people, but there's also another kind of people who are reason-proof.
Glad to have discovered your writing and agree that tik-tok fame is no way to shape a better world...but...there's a fine line between respecting the position of others and dis-respecting one's own. Perhaps that too strongly said, or at least not as nuanced as I mean it. If this couple deserved empathy, so did you and your partner. You've explained a healthier way to get through the experience and that's without a doubt better than the alternative. Still, it seems a tad over-stated to suggest that the causes you cite are justification—the un-dividing here is one way.
IMO, the hardest part of bringing us together rests with the challenge of offering each other "place" without building an alternative form of hierarchy. Compromise is often something that can be pulled through the mutual empathic response, but compromise that is fair is not a one-way thing.
All that said—dialogue matters—and I thank you for it.
This is a great reminder to be compassionate.
It takes a lot of self confidence and practice being able to let the anger go.
Unfortunately it seems to be easier with strangers than people closer to you.
Interesting reflection and wonderful self-control. Here’s another take on flying. I wrote this the other day on a flight. I love flying because it’s such a weird forced microcosm of humanity. https://iamnotanihilist.substack.com/p/flying