Inspired by you, I did something *very* unlike me...I took on some trolls on FB. In a bid to experience life outside my little bubble, I engaged them in conversation with kindness and humanity. And you know what? The last interaction I had was a breakthrough. The angry man I was dealing with responded in a very human way about how he envied his little grandson's ability to 'make new friends in the park' "Look Pappa, at all my new friends. They didn't share the same language or culture but within in minutes they all were all communicating and laughing. Maybe we could try to be more like them?" This was from a man who had previously labelled me a 'senseless woke feminist', and 'another wacky white hippy dippy'. I kept searching and searching for the thing that connected us... And I found it!
I love that this worked for you in this way. How wonderful. There's common ground to be found always. Bravo! "I kept searching of the thing that connected us, and I found it" Love that.
This is my intro to Undividing - I really enjoyed your video and all the sentiments included. For so long I have always reacted to other people’s heightened emotions or direct negativity. The older I get the less energy I can afford for this jousting. I find a lot of peace in what you have to say about us all being humans making our way through the world. So thanks!
You 're so welcome Charlotte. And I feel you. The older you get, the more you've seen that that jousting doesn't get anyone anywhere. Human to human instead.
Wow Charlotte, your comment made me realize that as we age, not only do we not respond to everything as “Fight or Flight” because of our earned wisdom, but also because we’ve probably spent most of our body’s cortisol (which along with adrenaline is what makes it possible to go into Fight or Flight mode). It was your sentence about your body not having the energy to fight others (something like that), which made my brain connect the obvious pieces I’ve been dealing with in this aging game.
I’m so glad to read that my words helped you make new connections. I read somewhere that we have inbuilt and built protections that help us on our road:
Intuition (experience)
Values (learnings)
Nervous system (physiological flags)
I try to check in and service all three when I feel the fight or flight or chemical response kick in - and give myself a big hug.
Hi Karl. Thank you for having me in your lounge. I really felt welcome and I found what you say very inspiring. I had someone respond to one of my comments on another Stack "You are a disgrace to the Baker name," which took me back to those old Three Musketeer movies and I had this "Engarde!" response. I left it for a few days, wondering about the best way to address it (because - public insult) and I came up with "If this were the 1700s or 1800s, an appropriate response to an insult like that would be 'Pistols at dawn by the lake!' But nowadays, I think it's like 'What exactly about my comments above make me a disgrace to the Baker name?'" I think they up and ran, because they haven't come back at me yet.
Ah that's great to hear that curiosity as a response helped. And you're very welcome to be in my lounge. It's funny, I started doing videos there because my office is being painted. And then people seemed to like the lounge, so I stayed.
I have recently thought about learning from martial arts to combat energetic negativity so I thought it was so cool you mentioned Judo. If you respond with negativity, then it perpetuates it, but if you neutralize the negativity inside yourself and respond with a different energy, it ends the cycle of negativity and creates a new pattern. Thank you for sharing your experience Karl. I think sharing our own struggles is a great way to learn.
Thank you, and I love how you say, it creates a new pattern. Sharing is how we all know we're not alone and we can learn from each other. Nice to have you here.
Step back. Regard them with detached compassion. Bless them where they are. There is no need to drop your vibration and respond. Disengage and remove yourself. Other’s movies about you are their business. They are a reflection of them. Don’t make them a reflection of you. ❤️
But also, connect if you can. That's the part TED said that hit me this week. That way of asking how they are human to human and listening. Even if the offer isn't taken I think it changes things for the better.
I can't imagine why anyone would leave a "mean" comment Karl! I've known of other writers who've had the same experience, but only once did I have a negative experience which I could dismiss because the comment had nothing to do with fact and was the ranting of someone out-of-touch with reality. In any event, I'm sorry you experienced this and enjoy your posts. Warm hugs to you.
I am a 57 year old on VA disability. I have a small simple life. That’s what I prefer. I’m an empath and an introvert. I was not given the gift of articulating well all the things I’m so passionate about. I used to, and often still, feel insignificant in how i could make a difference in the world. But it’s in the little things. It’s in the humanity. I smile at people, I say hi. I hold doors. I comforted a stranger at the vet who just put her dog down and was in tears. This was a great reminder of that. Thank you.
Absolutely--I'm with you there. How can I change anything? Well, every time I am kind, I smile warmly and look someone in the eye, let them know they are seen, or recognize suffering and offer comfort, that person feels better, and so do I. And chances are the next people we each interact with also feel better. You don't need a power position to make a difference in the world. So many people are in need of simple kindness and recognition. Something to negate the negative everywhere. I'm sorry for your disability if it causes you suffering. Sometimes what makes us struggle, suffer, also grows our ability to empathize, be understanding, compassionate, things that are sadly too rare in this world. I hope you will always feel how great you are because of these simple yet truly meaningful acts of kindness. And as an introvert--double kudos! and 🤗
Hi Kristin. Small acts aren't insignificant. I think it's these things that are sometimes the most important. I still remember a woman from a few years ago that handed me a small pack of tissues when my hay fever exploded on a bus one day. She said, keep them, I have kids. Another time, I sat on bubble gum in a new pair of pants and a woman gave me her secret for getting it off. Don't underestimate small acts. Glad that you do them.
Beautiful and timely. There is so much stress and understandable reactiveness these days. (In my own self as well).
To pause, wait, and do the best you can to not respond is a most beautiful way of healing both the person slinging the arrows and the person receiving those arrows. This feels like I have arrived at the right place at the right time.
While it is very hard to not react, this is something I am (trying) to learn to do. Reworking the brain reactivity is a true healing and helpful way to be in the world.
Cheers Mags, and I agree. Reacting is instant. And I also have to wait for that to pass, then say, OK Karl, let's find some common ground here... takes practice. I'm learning too.
Thank you for your post. I have been focusing on a story about the Buddha where he was preaching and a man was being belligerent and angry with him. He did not respond or engage and the man got angrier and more vocal. When the man finally went away another person there asked the Buddha why he didn’t engage and the Buddha asked if someone tried to give you a gift and you don’t take it, who does the the gift belong to. This helps me to not internalize their anger. How brave of you and others who have left comments to engage with compassion with those who are mean in their comments.
Wow 🤩 Thank you for creating ‘undivided’ and sharing your personal Emotions Diary in this way. I find it very inspiring as I feel like you are right at the core of what needed in this world. Very grateful for wise people like you stepping up in this way forming lights for others like me to follow. I will definitely keep following and reading your posts and start with my own Emotions Diary TOday! 💫 Much love from The Netherlands 👋🏻
Hi Karl, just happened upon you at the perfect moment and am profoundly grateful for your post. Just another soul struggling to stay human in inhumane times (am in U.S.) Cheers!
Oh Karl, my twin-flame soulmate best friend is German and lives in Bavaria. Somehow it escaped me you are also German and I’m thrilled having another German friend. This morning she answered my question about your upcoming elections with her wonderful gallows humor and I’m not convinced she’s as optimistic as you so I’ll share you with her. Grateful you’re writing! Cheers.
Love this. I also want & see in the US the desperate need for this--our lack of doing it has led our nation to a precipice where our very constitutional government is being undermined and possibly destroyed in this year celebrating 250 years since our battle against tyranny that led to establishing this nation... The reactivity social media brings out is so amygdala triggered! So emotional... reason, out the window. It requires a pause, a return to our own humanistic, compassionate self, sometimes hiding beneath that last cup of coffee or unprocessed emotion having nothing to do with the person or post in front of us... A slowing down. I tried to address this very need in my first Substack post, but as usual, it's too long, no one read it (or all of it)... And not many are willing to. Right now we do have to fight, here in the US, against the takeover that is affecting not only so many Americans but peoples and countries around the world, due to our place in the world & the utter ignorance of the importance of maintaining allies, keeping enemies at arm's length, and helping other peoples and countries in dire straights when we can. So it's more important than ever that we work on our own reactivity & this sort of journal idea is well, awesome! Thank you for sharing it. And I'm sorry you've had a few trolls or whatever--it's inevitable, they are probably from the US, (Sorry), but you have the right idea--it's a projection of their own crap onto you. Their own lack of experiencing compassion themselves, or feeling it toward themselves. Thank you for that reminder. Nice to meet you! 🙏🏻❤️
Inspired by you, I did something *very* unlike me...I took on some trolls on FB. In a bid to experience life outside my little bubble, I engaged them in conversation with kindness and humanity. And you know what? The last interaction I had was a breakthrough. The angry man I was dealing with responded in a very human way about how he envied his little grandson's ability to 'make new friends in the park' "Look Pappa, at all my new friends. They didn't share the same language or culture but within in minutes they all were all communicating and laughing. Maybe we could try to be more like them?" This was from a man who had previously labelled me a 'senseless woke feminist', and 'another wacky white hippy dippy'. I kept searching and searching for the thing that connected us... And I found it!
I love that this worked for you in this way. How wonderful. There's common ground to be found always. Bravo! "I kept searching of the thing that connected us, and I found it" Love that.
This is my intro to Undividing - I really enjoyed your video and all the sentiments included. For so long I have always reacted to other people’s heightened emotions or direct negativity. The older I get the less energy I can afford for this jousting. I find a lot of peace in what you have to say about us all being humans making our way through the world. So thanks!
You 're so welcome Charlotte. And I feel you. The older you get, the more you've seen that that jousting doesn't get anyone anywhere. Human to human instead.
Wow Charlotte, your comment made me realize that as we age, not only do we not respond to everything as “Fight or Flight” because of our earned wisdom, but also because we’ve probably spent most of our body’s cortisol (which along with adrenaline is what makes it possible to go into Fight or Flight mode). It was your sentence about your body not having the energy to fight others (something like that), which made my brain connect the obvious pieces I’ve been dealing with in this aging game.
Krissy,
I’m so glad to read that my words helped you make new connections. I read somewhere that we have inbuilt and built protections that help us on our road:
Intuition (experience)
Values (learnings)
Nervous system (physiological flags)
I try to check in and service all three when I feel the fight or flight or chemical response kick in - and give myself a big hug.
You're a wise woman ❤️
Hi Karl. Thank you for having me in your lounge. I really felt welcome and I found what you say very inspiring. I had someone respond to one of my comments on another Stack "You are a disgrace to the Baker name," which took me back to those old Three Musketeer movies and I had this "Engarde!" response. I left it for a few days, wondering about the best way to address it (because - public insult) and I came up with "If this were the 1700s or 1800s, an appropriate response to an insult like that would be 'Pistols at dawn by the lake!' But nowadays, I think it's like 'What exactly about my comments above make me a disgrace to the Baker name?'" I think they up and ran, because they haven't come back at me yet.
Ah that's great to hear that curiosity as a response helped. And you're very welcome to be in my lounge. It's funny, I started doing videos there because my office is being painted. And then people seemed to like the lounge, so I stayed.
I have recently thought about learning from martial arts to combat energetic negativity so I thought it was so cool you mentioned Judo. If you respond with negativity, then it perpetuates it, but if you neutralize the negativity inside yourself and respond with a different energy, it ends the cycle of negativity and creates a new pattern. Thank you for sharing your experience Karl. I think sharing our own struggles is a great way to learn.
Thank you, and I love how you say, it creates a new pattern. Sharing is how we all know we're not alone and we can learn from each other. Nice to have you here.
Step back. Regard them with detached compassion. Bless them where they are. There is no need to drop your vibration and respond. Disengage and remove yourself. Other’s movies about you are their business. They are a reflection of them. Don’t make them a reflection of you. ❤️
But also, connect if you can. That's the part TED said that hit me this week. That way of asking how they are human to human and listening. Even if the offer isn't taken I think it changes things for the better.
Absolutely.
I can't imagine why anyone would leave a "mean" comment Karl! I've known of other writers who've had the same experience, but only once did I have a negative experience which I could dismiss because the comment had nothing to do with fact and was the ranting of someone out-of-touch with reality. In any event, I'm sorry you experienced this and enjoy your posts. Warm hugs to you.
Thanks Patricia, yeah, it didn't feel good at the time. But I got a great lesson out of it. So it was worth something. Hugs to you!
I am a 57 year old on VA disability. I have a small simple life. That’s what I prefer. I’m an empath and an introvert. I was not given the gift of articulating well all the things I’m so passionate about. I used to, and often still, feel insignificant in how i could make a difference in the world. But it’s in the little things. It’s in the humanity. I smile at people, I say hi. I hold doors. I comforted a stranger at the vet who just put her dog down and was in tears. This was a great reminder of that. Thank you.
Absolutely--I'm with you there. How can I change anything? Well, every time I am kind, I smile warmly and look someone in the eye, let them know they are seen, or recognize suffering and offer comfort, that person feels better, and so do I. And chances are the next people we each interact with also feel better. You don't need a power position to make a difference in the world. So many people are in need of simple kindness and recognition. Something to negate the negative everywhere. I'm sorry for your disability if it causes you suffering. Sometimes what makes us struggle, suffer, also grows our ability to empathize, be understanding, compassionate, things that are sadly too rare in this world. I hope you will always feel how great you are because of these simple yet truly meaningful acts of kindness. And as an introvert--double kudos! and 🤗
Hi Kristin. Small acts aren't insignificant. I think it's these things that are sometimes the most important. I still remember a woman from a few years ago that handed me a small pack of tissues when my hay fever exploded on a bus one day. She said, keep them, I have kids. Another time, I sat on bubble gum in a new pair of pants and a woman gave me her secret for getting it off. Don't underestimate small acts. Glad that you do them.
Can't imagine how anyone could have a negative reaction to this message. Sad state of affairs.
People are hurting. But that’s ok. Got some good advice from the emotions Diary for it.
Beautiful and timely. There is so much stress and understandable reactiveness these days. (In my own self as well).
To pause, wait, and do the best you can to not respond is a most beautiful way of healing both the person slinging the arrows and the person receiving those arrows. This feels like I have arrived at the right place at the right time.
While it is very hard to not react, this is something I am (trying) to learn to do. Reworking the brain reactivity is a true healing and helpful way to be in the world.
Sage advice that rings true, a heart song.
Thanks so much.
Mags
Cheers Mags, and I agree. Reacting is instant. And I also have to wait for that to pass, then say, OK Karl, let's find some common ground here... takes practice. I'm learning too.
Aw Karl, you seem to be well practiced now. And the way you impart your knowledge and experience is spot on helpful :)
Thank you for your post. I have been focusing on a story about the Buddha where he was preaching and a man was being belligerent and angry with him. He did not respond or engage and the man got angrier and more vocal. When the man finally went away another person there asked the Buddha why he didn’t engage and the Buddha asked if someone tried to give you a gift and you don’t take it, who does the the gift belong to. This helps me to not internalize their anger. How brave of you and others who have left comments to engage with compassion with those who are mean in their comments.
Who does the gift belong to? That's such a great thought, thanks for that Mengel.
Wow 🤩 Thank you for creating ‘undivided’ and sharing your personal Emotions Diary in this way. I find it very inspiring as I feel like you are right at the core of what needed in this world. Very grateful for wise people like you stepping up in this way forming lights for others like me to follow. I will definitely keep following and reading your posts and start with my own Emotions Diary TOday! 💫 Much love from The Netherlands 👋🏻
Hey Merel, great stuff. Thank so much for the kind words. And The Emotions Diary is such a great tool. Glad you're starting yours.
Haters are just a sign of success, thanks for sharing great content!
Hi Karl, just happened upon you at the perfect moment and am profoundly grateful for your post. Just another soul struggling to stay human in inhumane times (am in U.S.) Cheers!
Hey there Chana, it's crazy here too in Germany. We're all uncertain. But we can do this together. I believe in us.
Oh Karl, my twin-flame soulmate best friend is German and lives in Bavaria. Somehow it escaped me you are also German and I’m thrilled having another German friend. This morning she answered my question about your upcoming elections with her wonderful gallows humor and I’m not convinced she’s as optimistic as you so I’ll share you with her. Grateful you’re writing! Cheers.
That was beautiful. Thank you.
Emotions diary is also known as 2 Way Prayer. A wonderful tool. Thank you for reminding me of it
I didn't know that. What a great name. Thank you.
Love this. I also want & see in the US the desperate need for this--our lack of doing it has led our nation to a precipice where our very constitutional government is being undermined and possibly destroyed in this year celebrating 250 years since our battle against tyranny that led to establishing this nation... The reactivity social media brings out is so amygdala triggered! So emotional... reason, out the window. It requires a pause, a return to our own humanistic, compassionate self, sometimes hiding beneath that last cup of coffee or unprocessed emotion having nothing to do with the person or post in front of us... A slowing down. I tried to address this very need in my first Substack post, but as usual, it's too long, no one read it (or all of it)... And not many are willing to. Right now we do have to fight, here in the US, against the takeover that is affecting not only so many Americans but peoples and countries around the world, due to our place in the world & the utter ignorance of the importance of maintaining allies, keeping enemies at arm's length, and helping other peoples and countries in dire straights when we can. So it's more important than ever that we work on our own reactivity & this sort of journal idea is well, awesome! Thank you for sharing it. And I'm sorry you've had a few trolls or whatever--it's inevitable, they are probably from the US, (Sorry), but you have the right idea--it's a projection of their own crap onto you. Their own lack of experiencing compassion themselves, or feeling it toward themselves. Thank you for that reminder. Nice to meet you! 🙏🏻❤️