One of my favorite quotes attributed to Abraham Lincoln is, "Most people are about as happy as they choose to be."
I take that to mean happiness is a choice. I try to walk that out in my life by appreciating the little pleasures the most. The smell of rain, a beautiful sunset, my adorable and devoted dogs, acts of service and kindness. It would be nice to be in love and be loved romantically but even if that isn't in the cards for me I can be love and for that I am grateful.
Love that quote. And the smell of rain on concrete. And sandrumms, I love what you say about romantic love. I thought I was done before Erik and was totally OK with that. I had a full and rich life. With a lot of love in it. And like you say, that was a choice to see it that way. Learned that one late too. Thanks for writing. ♥️
The happiest person I know is my son, who's 9. He's just a ray of sunshine. He loves life: riding his bike, playing football, jumping on the trampoline, watching random YouTube videos about mountain biking, eating (a lot!), making mocktails, and he basically jokes and laughs about everything - I said I think you're going to be a stand-up comic when you're older, he said 'no I'm going to be a sit-down comic' which I thought was quite funny 😄. I hope he doesn't lose that because a lot of us do when we get bogged down with the day to day pressures of being a grown-up. The other creature I know who seems very happy is my cat - as long as he has enough to eat and a bit of attention and a cosy spot to sit (such as on top of our hat and scarf box) he purrs like crazy. Cats and children can teach us a lot, we really don't need that much in life to be happy - us human grown-ups tend to complicate things.
Karl! This IS IT. It took me way too long to figure this out, and this is why I write. There is a forceful, plummeting downward spiral today.
It’s so ironic, isn’t it? The more options, choices, panaceas, health-hacks — the higher the pedestals for millionaire/billionaire entrepreneurship — the more miserable we are as a society. We are moving so far away from where we should be moored, and enjoying the view of what (and who!) we have (and love!).
Social media and so many influencers are showing and telling us into such a selfish mode and pursuit. More money, more fame, more stuff … and as we climb we might get a few thrills and ego boosts for fleeting moments and then when the next arbitrarily-not-big-enough-dopamine-laden batch of clicks doesn’t come, down we plummet to an even lower low.
In this sea of marketed easy-fixes, we are feeling more dis-ease than ever. Too much self and not enough other. Too much focus inward and not enough focus outward. Let’s aim to focus on:
each other
nature
what we already have
gifts we can share
loving and contributing
appreciating
working hard, but loving hard, too
As I recently wrote, I think part of the problem is the prioritizing of “self-care”. Not that we are caring for ourselves — this is important! But that showing ourselves “self-care” is called that. The “self” part puts too much emphasis on the self — meaning JUST self, alone, without “others”.
Really, I think it’s “human-care” we need to focus on. Then perhaps we’d remember that caring for our self, and prioritizing self, necessitates including “others”. We are social beings after all!
If we all focussed on our relationships — our kindness, contributions. The kindling of our relationships with our loved ones. The caring for our neighbours AS WELL AS our sleep, movement, nutrition…. We’d all feel more purpose, more meaning, more genuine happiness. It’s so simple, really. I think we’re made to feel that it can’t be the answer because we actually wouldn’t need anything but each other. Who can sell that?
You can, Karl!
This is what I aim to do, too:)
I loved this post! Sorry for the way too long comment, but I’m so passionate about this!
In my book SIPS (2023), the hedonic treadmill is not simply a failure of prediction; it is a failure of our relationship with time. We imagine happiness as a future destination—after the promotion, the relationship, the house or the next milestone. But when that future arrives, it is only another present moment, and the mind quickly moves the destination forward again. Happiness cannot be stored in the future. It can only be experienced as a process in the present.
Yes, yes, yes! A process in the present. We miss that so often due to our striving or worrying or ruminating. If we are truly in the present, we can’t be striving, worrying or ruminating. I think so many of us don’t appreciate this simple math.
It takes practice but so worth it, especially when we finally realize all the moments we have missed due to letting ourselves dwell in worry and rumination, while we could have instead been really in the moments that slipped by us, and often were with the people we love.
I feel like a version of that course should be taught in early high school!
I'm in a very 'strive-y' shallow industry, which is also very/increasingly precarious. The big money pot (which would help my baseline security) has so far remained just out of my grasp.
I've (slowly) learnt to enjoy the process - the creativity, the wonderful collaborators, the *heart*...even if a project goes nowhere.. It sounds so twee and obvious, but I seem to need to learn it over and over again!
The happiest person I know has a small pension, modest savings, her 5 cats, a pretty home in the hills and her music friends. She couldn't be happier. That would be me...
Happiness is - something to do, something to look forward to and someone to love. Livingstone
Love that Kevin. It’s an action. Well put.
One of my favorite quotes attributed to Abraham Lincoln is, "Most people are about as happy as they choose to be."
I take that to mean happiness is a choice. I try to walk that out in my life by appreciating the little pleasures the most. The smell of rain, a beautiful sunset, my adorable and devoted dogs, acts of service and kindness. It would be nice to be in love and be loved romantically but even if that isn't in the cards for me I can be love and for that I am grateful.
Love that quote. And the smell of rain on concrete. And sandrumms, I love what you say about romantic love. I thought I was done before Erik and was totally OK with that. I had a full and rich life. With a lot of love in it. And like you say, that was a choice to see it that way. Learned that one late too. Thanks for writing. ♥️
The happiest person I know is my son, who's 9. He's just a ray of sunshine. He loves life: riding his bike, playing football, jumping on the trampoline, watching random YouTube videos about mountain biking, eating (a lot!), making mocktails, and he basically jokes and laughs about everything - I said I think you're going to be a stand-up comic when you're older, he said 'no I'm going to be a sit-down comic' which I thought was quite funny 😄. I hope he doesn't lose that because a lot of us do when we get bogged down with the day to day pressures of being a grown-up. The other creature I know who seems very happy is my cat - as long as he has enough to eat and a bit of attention and a cosy spot to sit (such as on top of our hat and scarf box) he purrs like crazy. Cats and children can teach us a lot, we really don't need that much in life to be happy - us human grown-ups tend to complicate things.
Karl! This IS IT. It took me way too long to figure this out, and this is why I write. There is a forceful, plummeting downward spiral today.
It’s so ironic, isn’t it? The more options, choices, panaceas, health-hacks — the higher the pedestals for millionaire/billionaire entrepreneurship — the more miserable we are as a society. We are moving so far away from where we should be moored, and enjoying the view of what (and who!) we have (and love!).
Social media and so many influencers are showing and telling us into such a selfish mode and pursuit. More money, more fame, more stuff … and as we climb we might get a few thrills and ego boosts for fleeting moments and then when the next arbitrarily-not-big-enough-dopamine-laden batch of clicks doesn’t come, down we plummet to an even lower low.
In this sea of marketed easy-fixes, we are feeling more dis-ease than ever. Too much self and not enough other. Too much focus inward and not enough focus outward. Let’s aim to focus on:
each other
nature
what we already have
gifts we can share
loving and contributing
appreciating
working hard, but loving hard, too
As I recently wrote, I think part of the problem is the prioritizing of “self-care”. Not that we are caring for ourselves — this is important! But that showing ourselves “self-care” is called that. The “self” part puts too much emphasis on the self — meaning JUST self, alone, without “others”.
Really, I think it’s “human-care” we need to focus on. Then perhaps we’d remember that caring for our self, and prioritizing self, necessitates including “others”. We are social beings after all!
If we all focussed on our relationships — our kindness, contributions. The kindling of our relationships with our loved ones. The caring for our neighbours AS WELL AS our sleep, movement, nutrition…. We’d all feel more purpose, more meaning, more genuine happiness. It’s so simple, really. I think we’re made to feel that it can’t be the answer because we actually wouldn’t need anything but each other. Who can sell that?
You can, Karl!
This is what I aim to do, too:)
I loved this post! Sorry for the way too long comment, but I’m so passionate about this!
In my book SIPS (2023), the hedonic treadmill is not simply a failure of prediction; it is a failure of our relationship with time. We imagine happiness as a future destination—after the promotion, the relationship, the house or the next milestone. But when that future arrives, it is only another present moment, and the mind quickly moves the destination forward again. Happiness cannot be stored in the future. It can only be experienced as a process in the present.
Yes, yes, yes! A process in the present. We miss that so often due to our striving or worrying or ruminating. If we are truly in the present, we can’t be striving, worrying or ruminating. I think so many of us don’t appreciate this simple math.
It takes practice but so worth it, especially when we finally realize all the moments we have missed due to letting ourselves dwell in worry and rumination, while we could have instead been really in the moments that slipped by us, and often were with the people we love.
I feel like a version of that course should be taught in early high school!
I'm in a very 'strive-y' shallow industry, which is also very/increasingly precarious. The big money pot (which would help my baseline security) has so far remained just out of my grasp.
I've (slowly) learnt to enjoy the process - the creativity, the wonderful collaborators, the *heart*...even if a project goes nowhere.. It sounds so twee and obvious, but I seem to need to learn it over and over again!
The happiest person I know has a small pension, modest savings, her 5 cats, a pretty home in the hills and her music friends. She couldn't be happier. That would be me...