You. Are writing what needs to be written! Esp reporting on the ability to not tell that story that way. We all have that ability, a tool which lies often unused in the bottom of the toolbox. It is a feeling of true power to lay down victim bullshit narrative and get curious about the DB in the fully reclined seat in front of you.
It is at these times that the word "jan cing" will pop up in my mind. It's a Cantonese word without an equivalent in English, but probably a mixture of humanity, empathy, mercy and compassion comes close. Literally translated it means - human feelings/favour/kindness. It is especially important to have when someone is in the position of power over someone else. Well done in bridging the connection with yourself and with another whom we struggle to fathom. And congrats on the book!
That’s a great word Rachel. We should make that part of the English lexicon too. Jan Cing. The big one for me in this was not taking it personally and the buck stopping with me. Needed some Jan Cing for both ;)
Sorry, but what shmucks, Karl. There is something called a refined individual and then something else called basic human decency. Here I am infuriated for you. Thank God, I wasn't there 🙏
Thank you Nazish. I was glad it happened though in the end for the insight it gave me. I was suprised by how much I don't repeat that story in my day to day now.
One lesson I learned long ago is that there is only one person in this world over which we have control. That person is ourselves. I have been in similar situations that you described many times on flights. I am 6’4” tall and first class travel would be the only way for me to have a perfectly comfortable seat on a commercial airline. Which I usually choose not to buy. In my opinion it is too expensive. 😇
I have rarely had anyone to ask my permission for them to recline their seat. It usually happens suddenly with no warning.🤣🤣.
Once, when a kind person did ask my permission I was stunned, but quickly said of course relax and enjoy the flight. Thank you for giving me the chance to reposition my knees out of the way.
I did this because of my principle of self control in response to those whom I do not control, which is everyone else other than me.
The lady’s response to me was to recline half way to help protect my knees.
If I wanted to avoid this difficulty the time to do so was in making my choice of seating for the flight. When I make a choice, I accept all consequences that come with the choice and do not expect others, out of kindness or philanthropy, to help me deal with the situations I got myself into.
What I have just described is a mindset that helps me be at peace with others. I have control over no one but myself. I do not seek control over any other person. This mindset causes me to think in advance of the potential consequences of my choices and how I will deal with them without needing for anyone else to yield to my expectation of kindness from them.
Keeping this mindset allows me to be pleasantly surprised and really enjoy kindness from others and never be frustrated by its absence when it is not forthcoming. It brings me peace and makes it easy to help others be at peace and connected in freedom.
I hope thus mindset may help others choose to focus on self control instead of manipulating others and being frustrated by not being able to control them.
It sounds like you know how to set your expectations well. It's something I wrote about in my book. And after reading your note, I think I'll talk about this again in Undividing. It's such a powerful tool to not have an expectation, then nothing is ever disappointing. Thanks mate. I feel you on the knees!
Thanks, Karl. I am enjoying your writing very much. You provide inspiration that feeds thought and reason. It is refreshing to enjoy conversations that build us up and share courage and add to one another’s capability to at least come together in a shared willingness to understand one another.
I like your focus on “undividing”. We can agree upon making a genuine effort to understand one another. And in all matters there is no justifiable reason to not be charitable toward one another.
I like a saying that I grew up being taught: “In matters of faith, Unity; in matters of opinion; Liberty, and in all things, Charity.”
I look forward to reading your comments on “setting your expectations well”. I can always learn from the wisdom of friends.
Both remind me that nothing is ever truly broken. Everything can be saved. Everything can be repaired. Everything can be loved in whatever form it’s in.…….these words so resonated with me today. Thank you
For sure Neville. Glad you got something good from that. I have to remind d myself if this sometimes. It’s the day I usually repair things. Clothes, a kettle etc.
You. Are writing what needs to be written! Esp reporting on the ability to not tell that story that way. We all have that ability, a tool which lies often unused in the bottom of the toolbox. It is a feeling of true power to lay down victim bullshit narrative and get curious about the DB in the fully reclined seat in front of you.
It is at these times that the word "jan cing" will pop up in my mind. It's a Cantonese word without an equivalent in English, but probably a mixture of humanity, empathy, mercy and compassion comes close. Literally translated it means - human feelings/favour/kindness. It is especially important to have when someone is in the position of power over someone else. Well done in bridging the connection with yourself and with another whom we struggle to fathom. And congrats on the book!
That’s a great word Rachel. We should make that part of the English lexicon too. Jan Cing. The big one for me in this was not taking it personally and the buck stopping with me. Needed some Jan Cing for both ;)
The “buck stops with me” is an important trait that I value.
Oh and I also get to leave such a scene entertained by my own head cinema version and no one got hurt, so it’s a brilliant win-win.
Sorry, but what shmucks, Karl. There is something called a refined individual and then something else called basic human decency. Here I am infuriated for you. Thank God, I wasn't there 🙏
Thank you Nazish. I was glad it happened though in the end for the insight it gave me. I was suprised by how much I don't repeat that story in my day to day now.
The perfectionist in me loves the idea of a floor and ceiling! Something to think on.
Yeah I loved this idea when I heard it, it really helped me as a recovering perfectionist ;)
One lesson I learned long ago is that there is only one person in this world over which we have control. That person is ourselves. I have been in similar situations that you described many times on flights. I am 6’4” tall and first class travel would be the only way for me to have a perfectly comfortable seat on a commercial airline. Which I usually choose not to buy. In my opinion it is too expensive. 😇
I have rarely had anyone to ask my permission for them to recline their seat. It usually happens suddenly with no warning.🤣🤣.
Once, when a kind person did ask my permission I was stunned, but quickly said of course relax and enjoy the flight. Thank you for giving me the chance to reposition my knees out of the way.
I did this because of my principle of self control in response to those whom I do not control, which is everyone else other than me.
The lady’s response to me was to recline half way to help protect my knees.
If I wanted to avoid this difficulty the time to do so was in making my choice of seating for the flight. When I make a choice, I accept all consequences that come with the choice and do not expect others, out of kindness or philanthropy, to help me deal with the situations I got myself into.
What I have just described is a mindset that helps me be at peace with others. I have control over no one but myself. I do not seek control over any other person. This mindset causes me to think in advance of the potential consequences of my choices and how I will deal with them without needing for anyone else to yield to my expectation of kindness from them.
Keeping this mindset allows me to be pleasantly surprised and really enjoy kindness from others and never be frustrated by its absence when it is not forthcoming. It brings me peace and makes it easy to help others be at peace and connected in freedom.
I hope thus mindset may help others choose to focus on self control instead of manipulating others and being frustrated by not being able to control them.
It sounds like you know how to set your expectations well. It's something I wrote about in my book. And after reading your note, I think I'll talk about this again in Undividing. It's such a powerful tool to not have an expectation, then nothing is ever disappointing. Thanks mate. I feel you on the knees!
Thanks, Karl. I am enjoying your writing very much. You provide inspiration that feeds thought and reason. It is refreshing to enjoy conversations that build us up and share courage and add to one another’s capability to at least come together in a shared willingness to understand one another.
I like your focus on “undividing”. We can agree upon making a genuine effort to understand one another. And in all matters there is no justifiable reason to not be charitable toward one another.
I like a saying that I grew up being taught: “In matters of faith, Unity; in matters of opinion; Liberty, and in all things, Charity.”
I look forward to reading your comments on “setting your expectations well”. I can always learn from the wisdom of friends.
Both remind me that nothing is ever truly broken. Everything can be saved. Everything can be repaired. Everything can be loved in whatever form it’s in.…….these words so resonated with me today. Thank you
For sure Neville. Glad you got something good from that. I have to remind d myself if this sometimes. It’s the day I usually repair things. Clothes, a kettle etc.
It's true, but it is their right. You should check out the note that Lee wrote above, it's a great mindset.